Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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