You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize