We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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