Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
