i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
