i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize