I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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