I queefed so loud it echoed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
