I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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