and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
