I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
pray to the hookup gods
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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