its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
