she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
