just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
