Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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