Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
