I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize