oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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