plz talk dirty to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
