My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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