i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
