guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
