Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
