the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize