ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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