all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize