my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
