Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
