awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
