oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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