dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
