I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
