haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
