dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
