made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
