Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
