Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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