Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
