Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
