I think I died a long time ago.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
