conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
