There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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