What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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