okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
