Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
