she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
