i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
