the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
