when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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