The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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