we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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