the condom got lost in my hair
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
