remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
