she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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