You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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