Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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