did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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