You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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