Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
