just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
