I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
