i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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