Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
