3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize