Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
