summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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