My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
