Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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