strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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