Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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