If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize