I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
