There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
